‘Extra marital relationship’, the term itself arouses confusion, complication and several other reactions. It is almost a condemned term to hear after marriage. But is that really a vice, an illegal thing to do? It is not exactly so. Actually there is a fine line of demarcation between ‘extra marital relationship’ and ‘extra marital affair’.
While extra marital affair has an essence of betrayal and breaking away from the parameters of marriage and commitment, extra marital relationship has a close relationship with friendship, a deep set understanding. Let us have a vivid idea of both the terms before getting into the depth it.
Extra Marital Affair
This is a step outside the marital relationship. A practical experience can explain it elaborately. A couple gets married, having dreams of a successful family in the future. But any of the spouses, for instance, maintains affairs outside the marriage. ‘Affairs’ means love affairs, which might not be committed ones. But they can be discreet relationships or temporary love affair with a third person.
These kinds of relationships are necessarily carried on, without the slightest knowledge of the spouse who does not have such a relationship. The one with such a relationship, deliberately, keeps it concealed within him or her. These relationships can be with one particular person or a number of persons at a time or in frequent successions. There is a higher chance of physical relationship, which can be due to lust or love.
In extreme situations these extra marital affairs can be such that they can ultimately lead to divorce and separation. While, there are other instances of extra marital affairs too, where, the marital relationship stays only on the foundation of compromise and social prestige.
Extra Marital Relationship
Extra marital relationship is more of a friendship that of something as ‘extra marital’. There are instances too, when there is an absolute transparency in between the husband and wife regarding the presence of a third person in between them. These relationships, generally, do not involve more than one person, outside the wedlock. Actually, it is not quite right to call it extra marital, since, the term has a derogatory sense, in some way.
These sorts of ‘out of the marriage friendships’ might not have a physical relationship too. It is more of trust, faith and companionship. These relationships result mostly from different levels of frequency of the husband and wife, difference of preferences, varied tastes and hobbies, which are not at all in match with each other.
The spouse having such a relationship finds mental equilibrium, compatibility in taste, likes and dislikes in this third person, who can be anyone, office colleague, a business partner, a mentor or a long lost friend. Such relationships are mostly platonic and there is so sense of guilt, betrayal or break of commitment in marriage, among the ones who maintain them. Marital relationships also move on healthily and friendship also follows its way uniformly.
Tips to Handle Extra Marital Relationships
Those who have such ‘friends’ out of their marriages, must know the exact tips to handle such relationships, in such a way that, their family life is not disturbed, yet, they do not loose their friends too.
Analyze if You are Going Towards The Right Direction
While you feel that you are about to make a friend outside your wedlock, analyze in details if the person you are looking forward to, is really your soul mate. It is important to understand that extra marital relationships are born from the thin mental differences in a marriage.
Photo Credit: Romanticallyimpaired.com
So, do not believe in anybody who comes your way. You never know, you might be cheated as the person might have ulterior motives too. Do not let a stranger enter your vacuum and rob you of your emotions.
Balance Between Relationships
The most important aspect of maintaining extra marital relationship and a successful marriage is that, you must know how to balance both of them. Identify the circumstances when you need to prioritize which relationship. Treat both the relationships with importance and never let one dominate the other. You must be able to create separate compartments for each of these two relationships in this manner.
Maintain a Transparency Between the Relationships
When you develop an extra marital relationship, what you must realize is that, you have made friends with a new person the way you used to make before marriage. There is nothing illegal in such a relationship. Be open to your spouse about this new friend of yours. If you keep unnecessary secrecy about this relationship, it will lead to unnecessary complications in its turn. Have an open discussion about this friend of yours. In case if your spouse has problems, respect his or her views.
But, at the same time, make him or her understand the aspects of this new friendship. In case of your friend too, do not conceal anything about the most dominant factors of your marital status or your identity. A clear relationship can only signal to over all healthy family life as well as friendship.
Emphasize on the Crucial Factors of Your Relationship
Find out the fundamental aspects on which your friendship is based. Emphasize on that and bang on that. Do not pull in unnecessary issues in your new relationship, such as sex or physical love. That would only complicate matters and you will be deviated from the basics of your friendship. In case if you see it is just the physical attraction that drives you towards this ‘friend’, then you must understand that it is lust or your sign of betrayal towards your innocent spouse.
Think seriously and move out of your marriage, if, sex is what you are looking for, in the new relationship. If you find that the relationship with your friend stands on aspects like your similar interest towards music, your love for arts and poetry, your inclination towards technological aspects or simply because you love talking to the person, then that is actual ‘friendship’. Live on these aspects and you will see how healthily your friendship moves on. In the process, do not dictate or get dictated too; a friend can advice but not rule you.