An unsaid split in the kid’s personality….

How would you feel if you have to make choice among your own children??? Which one will you choose? This is a trauma for you! Isn’t it? Then what about your kids who have to choose, rather loose one parent when you file a divorce?

Divorce is not just a separation of two individuals; rather it is a split of a family. No matter how old is your kids, parents are those supports who stands as a cushion to the children for whole of their life, and if that support gets weak, anyone can tumble.

During and after the divorce, children undergo incredible emotional shocks which leave an everlasting effect on a child’s mind. These effects are seen in the form of behavioral changes like depression, disobedience, rule violations, and stubbornness.

From the psychiatric point of view, children of the divorced parents are affected in the following ways:

Parent children relationships

As far as parent children relations are concerned, it is seen that during divorce, if the parents don’t talk to their children about the matter and surprisingly announce divorce, it becomes even more traumatic for children and they tend to loose faith in their parents and develop judgment that their parents do not care for them. This definitely affects their mindset and children may become disobedient, which is further dangerous. Children of such parents have a tendency to develop a negative attitude towards life.

Shaken Self confidence

Separation of parents is a painful and stressful experience. Children may want to share certain feelings with the parents like if they don’t want their parents to be separated, children may wish to tell this to parents. But most of the times it happens that those feelings remain unshared. These emotions might take a negative path by shaking the child’s self confidence, the confidence to change situations. It is necessary for the parents to talk to children and make them understand the reason behind separation. This really helps children to come out of the mental exhaust ness they undergo during divorce of parents.

Kids pick up from their parents

Childern have a tendency to portray their parents and repeat what their parents do. This is quite normal; after all, you reap what you sow! A child’s mind is like a plain canvas, whatever you will draw, that is going to stay their forever. Children will learn what they are taught. There are quite good chances of history getting repeated. Such children either do not take relationships seriously or the other way is that they develop a fear for involving themselves into a relation.

The above said splits in kids life can not be eliminated completely, but of course can be dealt well. There are ways by which parents can help the children to cope up with divorce. Some of these ways are:

• Ask your children to communicate openly with you and encourage them to express feelings they might be experiencing. If the children express their fear, or anger, let them do it. This will give you a chance to talk to them and make them understand the crux. Assure them that they will be protected and cared after the divorce also.
• Take every measure to fulfill your child’s needs, these might include clothing, games etc. offer them choices on food, clothes, sports and whatever is your child’s hobby.
• Spend more time with children and enjoy with them. Try to fill the emptiness in your child’s life.
• Do not expose children to the marital conflicts and its better not to include children in the discussion when you are talking with your spouse. You should also take care to avoid children getting exposed to domestic violence and hard discussions.
• Just keep a check that your child is not getting isolated in a group of people. If children start getting isolated, it is a danger sign indicating that the child might undergo depression.
• Exercise and play with children.
• Engage your children into meditation and relaxing techniques.
• Be patient with children and observe their behavior.

Family is the vital part of life, and when it splits, it splits the innocent hearts too. Divorce is the restructure of family and the most critical change that can ever happen to anyone, especially children. So, this becomes the duty of both the parents to work together to limit the damage divorce will cause to their children in order to assure their child’s future.

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