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Why Men Fear Commitment

June 17, 2008

Men love their freedom. Just the though of committing to one woman for the rest of their lives, is enough to send them into hiding. The dreaded C-word implies compromise, loss of independence, sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming spectre of financial devastation. Whatever, some may say; men’s fear of commitment is not a myth. As far as commitment is concerned, they really have some issues with it and dread having to make a decision about committing when everything was going so well.

To begin with men prefer to postpone the time when they will have to make a commitment to one woman, which means she will be the only one they will have to rely on sexual satisfaction. Biologically driven toward sexual variety, many men would rather wait than commit to marriage till they are sure they can live up to their future family and social responsibilities. Many of them have seen their fathers struggle and even fail as breadwinners, which could the reason that why men fear commitment.

They have seen their fathers make sacrifices, such as, endless work hours, travel far away from family, high stress, and early death, sacrifices that are often not fully respected by women. They fear commitment because it may lead them to fall into the same trap as their fathers.

They fear becoming responsible for not only a woman’s physical and financial safety once the children come, but also her internal happiness. Many men fear they won’t be able to completely bond with their children. Bio-chemically different than women, they need to work hard at bonding, which comes so easily to women.

Also, men mature biologically later than women, so while a woman may be ready to commit, men are still at a stage where they fear commitment. As well, there is no biological clock for male reproduction. Thus, a woman might want to get married and begin a family, but a man might feel no such compulsion. So long as his needs for sex and affection are fulfilled, will shy away from committing to marriage and starting a family.

So, what is fear of commitment? Psychologists have many tags for fear of commitment e.g. fear of intimacy, commitment phobia, fear of dependency or, more broadly, intimacy issues. In the end, all these labels describe a general behaviour i.e. a fear of becoming too emotionally invested in a relationship and making oneself vulnerable to being emotionally scarred.

Men’s fear of commitment follows a chain that looks like a fear of being hurt, fear of trusting another, fear of not finding a soul mate, fear of relationship performance and a fear of sacrifice.

The first step toward understanding men’s fear of commitment is to understand that it is a complex issue; it has its roots in a person’s early upbringing, early relationships with peers and romantic partners, and even society. Becoming committed and intimate with a partner requires that both people overcome their anxiety and communicate with one another. Failing to do so allows the fear of commitment and lack of intimacy to remain.

Life is full of risks, and no relationship is the same. So, men should get over their fear of commitment and enjoy their relationships, investing in them giving their best shot.


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