What Men Fear
June 17, 2008
Look around any classroom consisting of young boys and men and you will notice much pushing of each other, little shoves, punches on the arm, and you know these young boys and men are already and constantly wary of each other. Their shouts of ‘wimp’, ‘fag’, ‘punk’, are like slaps in the face, reminders to act tough, act like a man, don’t let your guard down.
Much has been written about men’s fear of women, blaming them for their insecurities, survival tactics and problems of getting along or getting by. The reality is that men don’t fear women; the truth is that they fear other men. A fear that is the result of being tested, judged, attacked, competed with, dominated, and challenged by other men and boys. It is not an irrational fear of some unknown or made-up terror. It is fear built on by getting beaten up after school by an older kid in the neighbourhood.
Ask men what they fear and it is not being good enough at sports or school, or whatever the standard of the day is. They worry about not being able to get a job, make a suitable career, build their own safe house in the world. They also fear what they might have to do to take care of themselves.
Men love their freedom and for many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting for the hills. They fear their of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming spectre of financial devastation. Men fear their loss of space, one sex partner forever, the emotional baggage that comes with commitment, lack of compromise, loss of free time, and much more.
Men fear emotion, they fear being seen as feminine or womanly, they fear intimacy, they fear being vulnerable or not powerful enough, they fear not being in control, they fear losing out, they fear being rejected or not being a real man. And often, the most powerful of all their fears is the fear of being seen as afraid. Male identity is bound up with fear.
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