Marriage is one of the most distinct transitions in the life of an individual. It is a decision of the lifetime, when an individual mentally prepares himself or herself to get tied with the person’s pains, sorrows, happiness and faith.
For a marriage to be successful, it demands transparency towards each other and the sense of commitment in the relationship. This is where the triumph of a marriage lies.
Marriages are basically two kinds. One is a love marriage and another is an arranged marriage. In a love marriage, the individual commits to get married after a love affair that develops between the two partners. It is not something calibrated, but a natural phenomenon where only the hearts of the two persons are involved and nothing else matters much.
On the other hand, in an arranged marriage, the decision of getting married comes first, even before the selection of the life partner. Thus, the search begins after the decision making, when the relatives, or parents, or the friends, or other known associates get involved in the finding of the perfect match for a person.
Along with this basic difference in the two forms of marriage, what is another essential factor is that, in a love marriage souls meet when they realize that they are somewhat compatible with each other.
But it’s different in the case of an arranged marriage, where the whole process flows in exactly the opposite direction to a love marriage. Hence, the expectations of life and love are a bit lesser in case of arranged marriage as we get married to an even more unknown person than we do in a love marriage.
How to select life partner in an arranged marriage
Even though it is true that marriage is a gamble and the success depends majorly on luck. But, while taking this utmost vital decision of your life in an arranged marriage, you need to consider some of the very cardinal factors and be self satisfied with the decision you have made.
It is to be understood that a brilliant pay package, good looks, a prosperous career, family fame and status etc. can only be some of the materialistic qualities that cannot make a perfect husband or a perfect wife with whom you can spend all your life in happiness and contentment.
There are other integral factors as well, that cannot be seen apparently, but need to be taken into account in the decision making process. Some of these factors are being discussed here for assisting those of you who have decided to go for a love marriage.
Meet the person personally
Once you have decided finally on a person as one of the most probable choices as your life partner, it is a must that you meet personally, that too, quite often. Unless and until you confront each other face to face, for some time, you will never be able to reach out to each other and understand each other properly.
Chatting on webcam, or conversing over phone and then plunging into the marriage ceremony is not at all a wise idea, especially in today’s world. Meet each other face to face and talk to each other, at least for six months before you finally plan to settle down together.
Do not be very imaginative
One of the most important things in selecting Mr. Right or Ms. Right for you is to keep in mind that you must not over intellectualize your lover or love life too much. Be practical and consider that it is not a movie or your favorite novel or a fantasy story, where you get exactly everything you dreamt of, in your would be partner. Keep in consideration that every human being has flaws.
Even you are not perfect. So, when you try to emphasize the flaws in the person you are to decide upon, there are chances that he or she might do the same thing and find you imperfect. Look out for the positive qualities of the person that outline his or her character, such as sense of humor, sobriety, modesty, sense of etiquettes, non miser attitude, politeness, etc., which might impress you. But, materialistic qualities, in this regard, come secondary, as you are not to live only with money, fame and power.
Try to delve into his or her family values
While you plan to settle down to get married with a person finally, it is very important to have an idea of the family values and the traditions the person belongs to. You must realize that marriage is the process that is not confined to two persons only, you and your better half. But you are extending your relationship with a new family too.
Therefore, it is crucial to identify whether you can gel well with the cultures, views and value system of the family of your would-be in-laws before making the final decision. For instance, it might even be so that, you are a woman, who dream of an individual professional career while the family you are supposed to get married to is conservative and do not wish their daughter-in-law to work.
So, marrying into such a family will only call in for troubles, even though your would-be husband might encourage the idea of a working wife. Similar situations can be there for a man too, when he marries a woman from another family.
Love marriages are situations where you make adjustments in circumstances like this, since you love the person to be married to and do not wish to let go your love life. But, in an arranged marriage, such a question does not arise at all, since there is no love before marriage.
Find out if you have enough topics to chat on
While you converse to each other in the several dates, before the final decision, do observe how active both of you are in such conversations. If you find that most of the times both of you fall short of topics, then it is an indication that your tastes and preferences do not comply much with each other.
Hence, you do not have many topics to carry on with your chat. Again, if you find what your would-be partner talks about, is not at all much interesting to you or while you talk, most of the times your would-be partner remains numb and maintains a bored look, then be alarmed that you do not have much compatibility. So, decide on the person accordingly.