The domestic violence cycle
August 10, 2009
When it comes to domestic violence, the entire upper-class society very conveniently points the fingers at the lower class people. They become the bad guys. But the question is, is it true? What about the elites? Don’t they have the same record of offences? Sure they do.
This is one problem that is present in every strata of society. This is one crime that is not limited within a group of people who belong to one particular class of society.
Domestic violence follows a particular pattern. When the violence is done to a partner then it can be referred to as spousal abuse. Unfortunately, sometimes it has been seen that the victims are not really aware of what is happening to them.
It is because other times when the situation is normal, the person who abuses others acts normally.
Now the question is what are the patterns of domestic violence? It all begins with verbal abuse and aggressive behavior. This causes mental trauma and pain to the victim.
And the verbal abuse includes calling the person bad names, saying bad things about that person and that person’s family. This not only causes mental trauma but also decreases the self-esteem and confidence level of the victim. This can be seen as a form of domination. In this way, the abuser tries to dominate and rule over the victim.
There is always a bit of guilt involved in domestic violence, especially in the case of abuse. The abuser does feel guilty at one point or another, but not in a good way.
The abusers are not sorry for what they have done but are afraid that they have to face the crime they have committed. It can be referred to fear of punishment rather than guilt.
Here it should be mentioned that the feeling of guilt works on both the abuser and the abused. The victims feel guilty that they are not good enough for their partners and that they are a failure. This is not true. But this happens more with people who depend on their spouses financially.
After the guilt, comes the excuses. The abuser will always look for ways to torture the victim and at the same time would try to make the victim a scapegoat of his own faults.
The worst thing about domestic violence is that almost all the time the abusers pretend as if nothing has happened and everything is normal. They usually do this in front of other people. They want to show the world what a happy couple they are, which is nothing but a false pretence.
What is even worse than pretending to be nice is planning the next move? All the time when the abusers are pretending to be the loveable partner, they are actually planning what they would do next and would put their plan to action whenever they get the chance next.
These are the common traits of domestic violence. The only thing that varies is the duration of violence.
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Domestic violence is not limited to any social class, race, or religion. Domestic violence is a broad definition which includes abuse between husband and wife, lovers, parents and children, etc. It is dangerous to stay in a violent relationship.
The risk of being murdered is quite high, and the chances of your children being murdered is high as well. According to statistics from Women’s Aid, two women are murdered every week in England and Wales.
I left an abusive marriage, and my daughter and I are now safe. If anyone experiences any signs of abuse, he/she must leave the relationship otherwise they are putting their life at risk.
I am a Man. You describe my wife’s behaviour to a tee. And she drinks a lot of alcohol at home – hidden – she is a cupboard drinker . I am a very positive person who was very confident before marriage. She has subjected me to this very horrible abuse for years. She calls me names. Insults my family and friends. Tells me I “F*%” my mother & the neigbours. She blocks my car in the drive when I try to escape and she is drunk. She has secretly sent offensive sms’s from my mobile phone to my mother and brother. Shoulder charges me sometimes when she is drunk. A few times when she is drunk she has come up to me, starts pushing me hard over again, shouting 10cm from my face, “hit me” “hit me” over and over again. Some times she bashes and bashes on my office door when I am making important phone calls, she knows I am on the phone. She has never apologised for anything. Last year I would look I often see her 20cm from my head staring offensively at my hair line, telling me I am bald or grey when I am not. She calls me fat (when I am not). She criticizes my car. She continually makes up things I have called her or accused her of when I have NOT. She had broken nearly ever door in the house when she slams then in rage. Once she actually smashed her way through one of the doors when I was in my lounge room. She discourages me from exercising. A few times, when I went jogging, I was 6 houses away & I heard her open then slam the door so hard I shuddered. She threatend me economically. She keep telling me I want harm to happen to her (I DONT think that way!!!). And there is much more I could say. I have indirectly had complaints from parents at a school about her alcohol. I am too POOR at the moment to get away!!! (the house is in her name) – I DONT CARE – I am just too poor to get away from her at the moment, but I will!!! She is just SO NICE to everyone outside this house, she has a lot of people fooled, it is a joke.