The secret to a long lasting marriage is definitely not love alone. There are several factors that play equally important roles when it comes to making a marital bond last for more than just a few years after tying the knot.
While the thrill and fun of the D-day diminishes with time, the shocks and surprises of married life tend to throw couples overboard. Clearly, most individuals can’t wait to get married withtout taking into consideration, the ensuing life after the wedding.
The real test for a couple comes after their wedding when they start living together under one roof. ThisÂ is generally the time when disagreements, arguments and fights start creeping in over the most mundane things, for example, day to day affairs.
Rightly said, marriage is a roller coater ride and if you want to remain seated together at the end of the ride instead of being tossed out, you need to work together to overcome individual differences and strengthen your bond by nurturing it carefully and caringly.
Failed Expectations: Almost all of us tend to build castles in the air aboutÂ a completely perfect marital life even before we tie the knot. And most of us fail to comprehend the truth; that only a few of those dreams willÂ see the light of the day while theÂ others will just drift away with the clouds.
It is best considered for individuals to have the least expectations from their spouses. Before marrying an individual, you will be accustomed to only the good side of his/her face and will not see his/her faults until the both of you start living together.
Rather than building too many expectations and then being disappointed later, keep your expectations to a minimum and accept things the way they come.
Communication Issues: Some of us have an uncanny habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or place. While communication plays a vital role in cementing a growing bond, determining the right kind of communication in par with the current place and situation can either strengthen a relationship or shatter it completely.
Let’s take an example. You and your spouse are out with some friends. One of your friends forgets to get something from his/her home and the entire evening is ruined because of his/her forgetful act.
This would definitely not be the right time to tell eveyone in detail about your spouse’s forgetful escapades. Even if you are trying to lighten up the atmosphere by cracking some jokes, there’s a strong chance you may be embarassing your spouse.
Confidential Matters: Marital secrets should never be revealed to anyone lest you want your marriage life to be an open book for everyone to pore through.
If you find the need to confide in someone, make sure that it is just a single person and that the person you confide in happens to be a trustworthy individual.
A good friend can help in lending an ear to your personal problems. But don’t go about propaganding your marital issues to literally every one of your friends.
What’s with In -Laws?: A common issue and cause for concern with almost every household nowadays is the sensitive relationship with in laws. While your in laws may not be the best people around, remember that they are humans too and related to your spouse, whether you like the fact or not.
If you don’t like your in laws, keep your hatred to yourself instead of critcising or blasting them, especially in front of your spouse. Your in laws may exasperate you and treat you like a rag. However, don’t give them back the same treatment as it would hurt your spouse, even if he/she knows you were not wrong.
An effective way to get messages across to your in laws (in case of a strained relationship) is to communicate the same via your spouse. Parents tend to listen to what their children say rather than listening to their son in law or daughter in law.
If you are used to being alone and taking your own decisions, then staying with your in laws can seem like a huge burden on your shoulders. Your freedom to think, talk, choose, and even act can be restricted considerably.
If you feel you can survive the change and hang on, you can all stay under one roof without bickering at each other constantly. However, if you feel that you cannot forsake your freedom for their happiness, it is better to refrain from staying under one roof or asking them to move in with you.
Space: You may think that your spouse will find it flattering to note that you take care of each and every one of his/her needs. However, trying to stay too close at all times can actually choke him/her of his/her freedom.
Make sure to give him/her enough space (both physical and emotional) to hang out with his/her friends, go to parties and tours without you and do what he/she likes to do without your interference.
Accordingly, if there is a disagreement between you and your spouse, don’t shout back at each and every chance. Rather, remain calm and composed, even if this means you are at the receiving end.
By helping him/her vent out his/her anger completely, you can try to explain your side of the problem and situation afterwards. This behavior can actually control the largest outbursts without causing serious side effects.