Marital relationship remains the focus of discussion for psychologists owing to its volatile and irregular nature. The increasing number of divorces adds to the interests of marital experts who may want to establish conventional wisdom as the blueprint for a successful relationship.
However, often it has been found that conventional wisdom can fail to deliver the desired outcome. What works for one couple may not essentially work for another given the unpredictable human nature.
Nonetheless, there are some red flags which can be the culprits behind marital discords happening worldwide. Keeping the culprits away can propose a healthy marital relationship lasting for lifetime.
Tips To Deal With Troubled Martial Relationship
Couples who share their emotions and discuss events have better chances of resolving differences. Lack of communication can hinder the pathway to enjoying a healthy marital relationship.
If you are too resistant in sharing the chores, like what to cook today, your child’s performance at school and emotional ups and downs, consider it a red flag which can kill the trust and intimacy of your married life.
Criticism and Contempt
Although criticism can create opportunities for improvement, there is a limit to which it is acceptable in a marital relationship. Given the fact that few couples can resist the temptation to criticize each other, it would not be incorrect to say that excessive criticism can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship.
Disagreement can be integral to a healthy marital relationship. Couples who disagree, argue and make complaints can share a more meaningful relationship than those who do not. But the relationship can become troubling when you feel your complaints receive a deaf ear or go unheeded. Your spouse’s repeated offending habits can worsen the situation and complains can turn into offensive blame.
The difference between criticism and contempt is noticeable; but by the time you realize the transition, words and body language can ruin everything. Even if done unintentionally, contempt can damage the relationship deep-rooted.
What to say of complimenting each other or expressing attraction, couples can even become abusive and hostile. Insults and name calling are not the only components of contempt. The body language, like rolling your eyes and curling upper lip, can depict negative emotions which can soon overwhelm the positivity in your relationship. Arguments become tools to reveal superiority and attack personality.
A University of Washington research found that eye rolling can reveal contempt even when it’s accompanied by a laugh or a smile. It can be a depiction that you no longer value your partner. The non-verbal gestures can be more harmful than verbal gestures and make it difficult for your spouse to ascertain the reasons behind disagreement.
Defensiveness can indicate that contempt is now gaining a higher degree of damage. Defensiveness can make couples feel victimized and lose respect for each other. In an attempt to plead innocence, couples can prove detrimental to their relationships which may easily turn into worse.
To make matters worse, you may not even realize that you are being defensive as the act may come as an obvious reaction. Defense can find vivid expressions, like defensive phrases and attitude, which can cause marital relationship trouble. Denying responsibility, making excuses, cross-complaining and repeating your opinion rather than trying to understand the spouse’s point of view are some defensive reactions which signal a troubled relationship. Immediate resolution of the problem is obligatory.
Stonewalling can be a crucial red flag in a marital relationship and may indicate a serious underlying problem. It may not indicate an end to marital relationship; but there can be increased risk for the couple to get captured by the negativity of the relationship. Men may not get physiologically aroused when their wives stonewall them. However, women can get dramatically affected when their husbands stonewall them.
Stonewalling can be a powerful act of disapproval and distancing. It can lead to parallel living and can demand good amount of hard work to save the marital relationship from breaking. Stonewalling can close many options of negotiation and compromise between couples which could contribute to mend their relationship. Powerful negative emotions hardly leave room for adjustment and retrospection which, thus, advance the distance and solitude between partners.
Expert advice has it that couples should try to strike a balance between negativity and positivity in their marital relationship to enjoy it for lifetime. Leaving a red flag to resolve spontaneously can be one of the biggest mistakes which can kill the relationship forever. If you feel that there is trouble beyond repair, seek a trustworthy outside assistance at the earliest.