Just Married and Pregnant
May 5, 2009
Most couples are excited when preparing for a wedding. The anticipated picture is all rosy. Then after the honeymoon, things look different. The thrill ebbs out and slowly reality sets in. The excitement and romance is still there, but the responsibilities that go with marriage hit you. It’s not all fun and romance.
Suddenly you find you are expecting. The excitement knows no bounds. With it creeps in a few doubts. Your husband is romantic and loving, but will he also shoulder the responsibility of a family. It is much better to voice your concerns and then be prepared for what is to come.
In most relationships, the most important factor is communication. It is important to discuss your concerns with your husband. He needs to know what is bothering you.
This may not even occur to him. When you share your worries with him you make him a partner of the process, and together a solution will be worked out and the bond between you will be further strengthened.
The way you approach him is important. Do not imply that he is irresponsible but rather the converse and hence you are discussing it with him.
While the exhilaration of the anticipated birth of your child is there it is a good time to start dialoguing with your husband, about what responsibilities will arise, and how each of you will gear up to meet those needs.
It would be helpful for both of you to discuss on what you visualize of yourself as a mother and your husband as a father. Share your apprehensions about the role, and what could be your points of weakness. Do not hesitate to state it.
Then compare notes with each other. Tell your husband what you would like him to be as a father and hear what he wants you to be as a mother. It could be a learning experience for both of you. Weed out the undesirable and foster the desirable.
Most women have a lot that is expected of them. But look at this rationally. While being a wife and mother is a pleasure, it surely is not the end of life. A woman may desire other pursuits. Find time for this and pursue it. Discuss this with your partner, so that adjustments are made to allow you to follow your heart.
How you relate to your husband and the smoothness of your relationship determines how emotionally secure your child will be. Your child needs to see warmth and love between your husband and you. This assures your child of a tension free family life.
It is easy to be so preoccupied with the baby that you have no time for your husband. If chores of looking after baby are shared then you can find time for each other.
Leave the baby with someone who is responsible and take time off to take a walk or do something with your husband. This is important to cement your relationship and provide a secure home for your child.
Joining a group that gives support to new mothers and fathers is also helpful. You share your experiences and learn from the experiences of others, and both are helped. Don’t be a martyr and suffer in silence. Do what you want and enjoy doing it. This will keep you from grumbling and mumbling.
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