Effects Of Divorce On Children
June 16, 2008
It is hard to imagine a more difficult transition for a child than to be a party to his or her parents’ divorce. I have watched this closely the last few months as some very good friends of ours have been separated and preparing for divorce. And even through attempts at reconciliation through family counseling, the children have suffered.
Family structure is very important. Divorce in the family environment requires the family to restructure. Both parents must continue to play an important role in the life of their child. They might also experience an overwhelming fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing what the future might hold, where they might live, fear of not being allowed to see one parent or another. Eventually the child will start bargaining to get their parents back together, by being better children or to help their parents around the house
Even if you as the parent do not get along with the extended family, children need these people in their lives and in addition, children of divorce may feel rejected and unloved by the parent who has left. This makes little sense until we remember that children perceive themselves as the center of the universe. Therefore, everything that happens must have something to do with them.
Look at the points now to understand what effects of divorce children have –
They feel powerless and helpless because they can’t get their parents back together. They can’t speed up or slow down the process and they feel angry although they may not express their anger. They often feel they are at fault. They may believe something they did or said caused a parent to leave and they grieve. Divorce is a loss in the lives of children and parents. They experience a grieving process very similar to mourning a death.
In addition, they experience conflicts of loyalty. It is generally a good idea that the parents design a well thought out parenting plan in order to keep some predictability in the family structure. This is good for the sake of the child because divorce does not have to mean the end of a family. It is also good for the children to keep close ties with other relatives. Children who have a natural attachment for their parents also fear losing other secure relationships-friends, pets, siblings, neighbors, and so on. Sometimes children are simply attached to their surroundings, and moving into new surroundings can cause an understandable negative reaction.
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