Do Men Bottle Up Their Emotions?
June 20, 2008
Men have been brought up to believe from early childhood that talking their feelings and emotions is not kosher. They are told that emotional exhibitions, indulging in verbal emotions is something only women are allowed to indulge in. Where men are concerned, they have to bottle up their emotions and not let anyone know how they feel. Women on the other hand, are usually keen to share their feelings and emotions. Whereas, men talk about football, cars, mechanical things or sex, and have little or no experience in expressing what they feel. An unhealthy practice, the less they talk about their emotions, the more difficult it becomes for men to share their emotions, leading them to emotional repression.
Men bottle up their emotions and their feelings because since early childhood they have been told that it makes them less of a man to talk about their feelings. They are conditioned to hide their emotions, and many young men think it is weak to cry openly or expose their vulnerability. Since childhood they are taught that men are supposed to be strong, invincible and controlled. No wonder, centuries of bottling up their emotions is catching up on them, with many of them cracking up from the stress and strain of keeping their emotions bottled up.
We all have feelings. Men and women typically handle emotions in quite different ways. When upset, women express their feelings directly, and seek the support of friends and family, whereas men typically hide their emotions or withdraw. Western cultures have socialized men hide their emotions, to be self-reliant, and to act rather than feel. These ideas are embodied in cultural stereotypes of the heroic male, represented in films and on television as fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone.
Because of the taboo against expressing supposedly weak emotions i.e. sad, mad, glad and bad, men often bottle up their sadness and anxiety, and channel it into the emotion most available to them: anger. Restricting emotional expression in many men’s lives leads to many health, relationship, psychological and behavioral problems.
Men should understand the dangerous consequences of reining in their emotions. They must break the mould and ask for help when needed, learn to put their feelings into words to heal wounds that have cut to the quick. No one will think the worse of you for crying when you feel like your heart will break, or showing your happiness by breaking in to song or a dance of joy. Go on learn to express yourself, learn to emote, learn to be mad, learn to be glad. Have a great time relieving yourself by shouting or swearing when angry, or smashing a few dishes to get rid of the steam!
It’s a changing world that no longer believes it is unmanly to express or show you feelings!
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