Marriages in India are mostly arranged. Before marriage couples don’t get to see each other. Their first meeting takes place in a in a very formal environment. The mothers and other kids disperse leaving the pair alone.
It feels like you are being given legal permission to flirt. It’s almost comical and hilarious
The boy and girl remain silent most of the time and find it awkward to sit with a complete stranger. The boy poses as a gentleman, but secretly espies every physical aspect of the girl, the girl usually pose as demure, modest and dignified as if she is looking at a boy for the first time. It’s often the boy who breaks the ice with casual questions about her hobbies, her interests, and her education.
The girl doesn’t talk much; only thing she wants to know is the boy’s social and financial status, his job or profession. She wants to know about other family members, and whether he will keep her with him separately or with his parents.This is the ideal situation irrespective of how many amorous relations one has experienced in the past.
If everything goes well, parents and relatives have discussed the financial aspect of the alliance, which is done in a most serious, formal, and business like fashion, and they have reached on a mutual agreement then in a more relaxed and informal environment they decide when to keep engagement or ring ceremony. Girls parent are usually more impatient and don’t want to lose the groom and insist on keeping it as early as possible. There after follows the ring ceremony and engagement and thus pair’s fate is sealed.
After that they don’t get to see each other for a long time ranging from 3 months to 1 year. All this time they talk on phone. Then on a prefixed, auspicious date they are married.
After marriage what follows is sex which is nothing but long repressed sexual desired manifesting itself in a most urgent and hurried manner. The act is not pleasant in most of the cases; it’s done with awkwardness and sometimes with shame, discomfort and nervousness.
The couples are still stranger to each other. As they get to live with each other longer they discover something new every day about their spouse. Its moods, habits, prejudices, opinions, fears, anxieties, ambitions, and its real temperament.
While they are getting to know each other better, sexual activities continue. They are unaware but sometimes it comes up on the surface that they are having forced sex, each not wanting to displease other. They don’t enjoy it much. Slowly and steadily they start accepting each other as they are. They get used to each other’s peculiarities and bad habits. It’s only then when they have lived for about one year together that they start understanding each other.
Once they have discovered each other’s minds and souls they discover each other’s bodies once again. This time it looks different, feels different. The love making is more sensual, more prolonged, more pleasurable, more uninhabited, and more satisfying. They experience sexual bliss for the first time in their life. They now connect with each other spiritually, mentally and physically. They are in true sense now soul mates.
This is how things work out with majority of the newly married couples. This is how our parents did it and this is how our grandparents did.
About Love and Sex Before Marriage
Teenage crushes, infatuations, love affairs, amorous relationships etc have been part and parcel of our lives. Hardly one will find a person, young or old, who has not experienced this feeling of being in love. It’s a wonderful feeling hard to describe in words. We cannot blame young kids or adolescents for falling in love.
It’s normal to have teenage crushes, to be smitten by some girl or boy, to secretly admire or love someone, or to have boyfriends and girlfriends. It’s part of growing up of our kids. But It takes a serious turn when kids or young adults start getting physical and their innocent love starts becoming a full blown sexual relation.
Young adults who indulge in sexual activates before marriage don’t understand what they are doing. They don’t realize how dangerous, risky and irresponsible such a behavior is. It’s hard to make them understand. They are young and wild, their unrestrained passions and sexual desires takes them, sometimes, to strange places and they end up having unnatural sex with a complete stranger.
Our society only encourages them, the concept of dating, online friendship, live-in relationship, one night stand are fast becoming fashionable these days. The girls and women now grow up in extreme liberal and progressive environment. Women cry out for her liberation, her emancipation, empowerment, equal rights and off course sexual freedom.
Now girls and young women don’t feel embarrassed on the topic of sex, they openly discuss it with boys, joke about it and call it their sexual freedom. They feel proud of their sexuality.
All this has impacted our society greatly and in fact, it is changing the way we look at opposite sex, the way we find our life partners, and the way get married. It’s a different perspective altogether.
Dangers Of Online Dating
The new technology, mobile phones, credit cards, social networking sites, online dating sites all of these have made things easier for adolescent kids and young adults. A few chats on line, an exchange of pictures, an exchange of mobile numbers, and off they go to meet their new found love.
They don’t realize how dangerous it is. Very often the naïve, innocent youth discovers that the cute boy with chocolaty looks and an enchanting voice, they have been dreaming about is actually a middle aged married man, or the girl whom they thought was decent and from a good family is only an escort.
The Eternal Search For the Perfect Guy
Then, there are young girls who are working and making their own money, proud of their new found independence and freedom; they make amorous relationship with not one but with many guys. If you ask them what they are actually looking for. They would immediately reply, “I am looking for a perfect guy, my soul mate.”
They continue dating, hopping from one guy to another and they are never satisfied. They don’t realize that there’s nothing like perfect guy, but only guys. However, in their serious pursuit which often looks comical, they end up having sex not with one guy but many guys. By the time they realize what’s happening they have become promiscuous. They are not girls anymore, but women who have grown habitual to sex, who know how to use contraceptives and how to pop up pills.
Many a time girls of otherwise good, decent, families end up in clinics to get rid of the unwanted baby. There idea of sexual freedom and pride of their sexuality evaporates.
Other than unwanted pregnancy there are other major risks and dangers involved in such behavior. There is good chance of contracting AIDS. You don’t need to experiment with sex twice to get this monstrous virus in to your blood stream. One misadventure is sometimes enough.
What Remains In The End
Girls and boys who become promiscuous, they feel as if there’s nothing in them but only a hollowness, guilt and shame. There mind clogged up with bad memories. Most of them are able to suppress it, but their faces, their manners, their low self esteem reveal the truth. Many of them live with the heavy burden on their souls as they are incapable of getting rid of the guilt.
Our mankind in spite of its modern education and thousand attempts to emancipate itself from this disease has miserably failed. Illicit sex was sinful in the past and it remains sinful in the present. Trying to rationalize it and reason over it only makes the matter worse, it keeps the victim hooked. Its only time that can heal such scars and some time it takes a long period of time as the memories slowly fade.
The most wonder full thing about being human that one eternal source of happiness, pleasure, and bliss has been abused and indulged in a very inconsiderate manner. Such behavior can be compared to that of a glutton who takes delight in eating. It eats as much as it can and later on feels depressed.
The Truth About Love and Love Affairs
Photo Credit- Soulation.org
It’s obvious that sound reasoning and good judgment will not be appreciated by the youngsters, but, however, I would take the risk of telling them the truth. It may sound too dry, to distasteful and too unromantic, but such are all the truths. They are hard to accept and harder to live with.
The truth is that all love affairs however serious and innocent they may look, are based on self deception, false reasoning and groundless opinions about the other person and it’s only desire for sexual pleasure that keeps it going. No wonder, once the senses have been gratified, the relation starts losing its charm, its innocence, and start taking shape of a burden. One feels disillusioned and starts looking for someone better, some one more suitable. Once more the heart and soul urges one towards a new adventure.
Some Advice to Youngsters
My only advice to adolescents and young adults is to practice sexual abstinence till they get married. I Know many youngsters will pooh- pooh at the idea of sexual abstinence and consider it as old fashioned, and dating as the most natural thing, as natural as air and water. They must realize that body, mind and soul are interconnected. They work as a whole. Being in love is good as long as it remains on mental level, but to get physical without having known the person completely and without a future prospect is bad and irresponsible behavior.
It’s better to get married in proper way and learn about sex in an awkward manner than run the risk of losing yourself completely in that wild goose chase of perfect guy or gal.