Communication Great-SEX Style
April 30, 2009
One of the hardest things about a sexual relationship is discussing when a partner’s sexual skills could use some improvement.
Respect is a key aspect to discussing sexual relations. Always keep in mind how you would like to be treated in these situations, and treat your partner accordingly.
It is also important to keep these conversations private. Criticizing a partner in public won’t end well. Analyze what it is you’re trying to accomplish, what your motivation might be, and whether you feel frustrated.
Approach the discussion carefully. Make it clear from the beginning that you acknowledge the difficulty of this subject. Try to express your desire to work through issues instead of simply throwing criticisms at your partner.
Remember that they may have a few issues with your own activities in the bedroom, and try to understand things from their point of view. Express your feelings clearly and without harsh overtones.
By doing so, your partner is less likely to be defensive. Try asking to talk, instead of just diving into the discussion; it will help your partner feel involved in the discussion instead of attacked.
If you are the one receiving this discussion, try opening yourself up to the information. Try to avoid defensive feelings and really listen to what your partner is saying.
No one wants a bad sex life, so listen to and work with your partner in order to improve matters. Help your partner feel comfortable and offer feedback to show you’re invested in the conversation.
Try repeating things you’ve heard from your partner back to them, to make sure you both understand the situation. Asking for specifics can be a great way to improve the situation.
Don’t bring up the past; focus only on the current situation. Issues you may have discussed previously are best left alone, while you focus on what’s happening now.
Avoid making accusations. Instead, use “I” statements, as in “I get uncomfortable when,” or “It seems to me that.” This will show that you’re speaking from your own perspective and help to maintain a positive dialogue.
Positive reinforcement during lovemaking can be a great way to work on these issues. Compliment your partner when they do something you like, thereby clearly letting them know what you enjoy.
It will help them understand what you want in bed. Another way to achieve this is to take your partner’s hand and actually show them what you like.
The feelings you and your partner have for each other should be motivation for improving the situation, and not used as weapons. Don’t forget, you’re in this together. Communication is vital to a happy and fulfilling sex life.
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