There is a saying – The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change. The institution of marriage and divorce has both followers and challengers. What is interesting to note is that at some point in your life, you can find yourself agreeing to both. Then which is a better institution? This can be an unending debate wreaking havoc to our brains!
It is a subjective choice whether to continue with a marriage or embrace divorce. Although it is not easy for couples to arrive at a conclusive outcome, the recent trend is indicative of divorce overpowering marital vows. Even in countries like India, where divorce is still considered a taboo (and is actually a sin in religious sentiment), the rising divorce rate indicates the changing beliefs of married couples.
We all know the advantages marriage and divorce bring along with. A better understanding can be had by reviewing how both these events can turn to our disadvantage. Beginning with divorce makes more sense now.
Imperfect Marriage and a Flawed Divorce
Divorce has Many Flaws
Followers of this institution would agree to this – By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game. Divorce can be your rescuer but can result into several nuisances, and the major ones include:
Ends the Marriage
Divorce can overpower your marriage vows and counter your decision to share life with a person (of your choice). Ending marriage means shutting door to your partner and packing away the sweet memories you have had all through your married days.
Divorce not only changes your relationship with your spouse but can also mean changing your relationship with other people. There can be many who will not agree and support your decision and resist your involvement in their lives. After getting divorced, you tend to spend less time with married people/friends and more time with single people.
Costs Time and Money
Divorce may not come easily. There are several legal formalities which have to be accomplished before you get dissociated with your partner. Sometimes, getting divorced becomes demanding (especially if your partner does not agree with your decision); there can be extended legal procedures and taxing financial engagements.
It is not fun to have divorce. You may have to deal with sleepless nights and painful days before your life takes to the normal path. This is more evident if you have children around who may not attune to your thinking and blame you for the outcome. Besides, you can experience hurt within yourself even though the decision to get divorced had been matter of choice and not chance.
Children of divorced couples are more likely (than other children) to experience depression, low school performance and social problems. Divorce can create a crisis-like situation for children who inevitably get entangled in a couple’s fight. It is not out of the ordinary to expect a long-term threat to children’s ability to commit to relationships later in life. It can emerge as a lifetime of regret and unwanted feeling of guilt.
But Marriage is not without Limitations as well
Truly, marriage is not a bed of roses. It can bring several nuisances into life. Popular ones are:
Constant Blow to Self-Esteem
If you have do not have a happy marriage, your partner shall (possibly) not leave any chance of blowing your self-esteem. It can be through words or through actions. Forget that you are living with the same person (who can put you to tears) everyday for the rest of your life! Forget that you cannot afford to be selfish or self-centered!
Though you may literally not be sharing everything with your partner, you know that what belonged to either of you now belongs to both of you (or even more people if you have smart in-laws).
All the years, you might have been satisfied living your own way but now that can be history. Moreover, marriage is not only sharing financial agendas and bank accounts but also ideas and emotions.
Intimacy vs. Monotony
This one is a little debatable, although many would agree. The fact that you have to be ‘close’ to only one person throughout your life can take its toll. Some people may find it hard to digest that they can enjoy sexual intimacy with only their spouse. Coupled with other sacrifices, sexual monotony can turn out to be a big disadvantage in marriage (which is actually a matter of opinion). The monotony owing to dealing with same person can sometimes be burdening, sometimes amounting to infidelity.
A Broad Perspective
Marriage and divorce have both rewards and penalties. It is said that there is a price for everything you want in life. Make your bargain carefully so that you end up gaining more than losing. Marriage benefits can often outweigh the limitations and this can be the possible explanation that despite divorce gaining popularity, people still prefer to marry. It seems a matter of personal assimilation and opinion.