Our most friends are brought to us by chance and circumstances, and it’s our nature and their temperament or to be more precise our opinion about them that decides whether we remain friends, or just acquaintances.
Our friends, longer they get to live with us more biased they become towards us. Often they hold a very different opinion about us than what we think of ourselves, but the same applies to us as well. How much we really care about what other person thinks or does, our own thoughts and opinions seems to be more significant and interesting than anything else.
A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed
The old proverb that ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’ holds true even in our modern times. It has always been true. How can you call a person your friend, if he refuses to help you in your difficult situation, or refuses to come to your rescue when you are in trouble?
It’s even more painful to realize that your friend is capable of helping you, but he simply refuses to do so. He doesn’t care about you or your situation. For him it’s an inconvenience.
All those memories of good time you spent together, feelings that you shared, your dreams, your hopes, your fears, and your darkest secrets, now torment you and you feel disillusioned.
You should have read his real nature, when he insisted on sharing the bill even when it was an odd figure, when he resented and reluctantly let you drive his bike, when he felt annoyed at your request to borrow his book.
Now that you find yourself in financial difficulty and foolishly expect him to gracefully extend you a loan. He would not do it. He is incapable of doing it. He was never your friend, but only a companion who liked your company. He is in capable of making real friends, he believes in having companions; in fact he has a whole circle of companions.
He never asks them for help and never offers to help anyone. He is yet to learn many things about life. Don’t feel angry or frustrated. Find people who know that helping each other out in difficult situation is an essential part of friendship.
Your Friend Uses You as a Temporary Resting Place
Your friend calls you regularly in the evening at the set time, asks you out, spends time with you, have fun, listens to your interesting tales, enjoys your company, relaxes and feels rejuvenated, and all of a sudden takes your leave in a hurried manner, looking at his watch, as if the time to have fun is over; now he has some other serious business to look into, his real business. He takes your leave almost in a rude manner with a short cryptic parting note “Okay bye”.
Such a person is not your friend, he is just using you as a temporary resting place as a mean to relax and rejuvenate. He wouldn’t talk much, but only listen to you and will answer in brief when you ask his opinion. He wouldn’t reveal much about himself as there is nothing much in him, but only a burning desire to reach his goals.
Friendship With An Ambitious Person
You were good friends till your friend got promoted and all of a sudden you became obsolete, as your friend found new friends. Don’t worry, he will soon outgrow that phase too and his brand new friends will someday meet the same fate. They too will, one day, become obsolete, as your friend climbs up the ladder.
Friend as a Hindrance
You were good friends till you decided to take up a job and settle down while your friend decided to go for higher studies. You are free after office and want to spend time with your friend, just like good old days, but your friend wants to study in the evening.
He avoids you; the reason is simple, he now looks at you as a hindrance in his way to reach his goal. He don’t want to waste his time and would rather associate with persons who share the same goals. Don’t feel let down, let him pursue his goals make some new friends who are free to spend time with you and want to have fun.
Friendship Among Unequal
Your friend loved you when you were miserable, pathetic, and struggling. He sympathized with you, was always nice to you. You kept trying harder and harder, and one day the lady fortune smiled upon you and you came into your own. Now your friend avoids you, he rather feels embarrassed and disconcerted in your presence.
You feel gratitude towards him for being with you in your difficult time. Should you feel that way? Your friend may take it otherwise and may remark that he is still better than you. You look wide eyed, shocked and disgruntled. You never thought like that, but it’s sad that your friend did. He was never your friend; he liked you because he felt superior in your presence and secretly took a morbid pleasure in your misery and suffering. He was convinced beyond doubt that you will never amount to anything. You proved him wrong.
Your Friend is a Wimp
You were good friends till you fell terminally ill or met some other misfortune. Now when you need your friend most he avoids you. You are no longer the same person, but misery and misfortune personified. He cannot bear your sight and don’t have strength to endure you; no wonder he leaves you for other friends.
Heard it Through Grape Wine
You trusted your friend, shared your inner secrets with him and one day you found out that your secrets have become common news. You feel angry, frustrated, and disgusted. You indulge in self loathing and cursing your friend. But the damage has already been done and you cannot do anything to repair it.
Casual gossiping can be very dangerous. This harmless vice has brought down many a mighty and powerful man. Once their secrets are revealed, ugly incidents follow, gossips start taking shape of opinions, and opinions transform into facts, people start raising doubts and pointing fingers at them, they face inquiry and soon they find themselves biting dust.
Gossiping is a common phenomenon. Most people when they don’t find anything else to talk about they start revealing the secrets of their friends. The best thing to do is to listen to such people, but don’t participate with them. This will help develop an image that you don’t like it. This way you will stop hearing gossips and free yourself from indulging in it.
Philosophy of Friendship
In the end, finding good friends and keeping them is a talent. It’s easier to have good friends than to be a good friend. Like any relationship it requires time, effort and above all forbearance.